(Williamsburg, Va.) – Over the last few weeks Busch Gardens Williamsburg (BGW) has held several events to preview its new for 2022 Intamin multi-launch coaster, Pantheon. Pass members and the press were invited out to experience the ride before it opened to the public, many of which have shared their thoughts online. Overall the initial response has been positive with one exception – theming. According to sources, however, this should be rectified soon and is unexpectedly tied to an upcoming visit from Fabio Lanzoni, 63, of Milan, Italy.
Lanzoni, better known simply as Fabio, is a fashion model who has also been featured in several acting and spokesperson roles during his career. Coaster enthusiasts and BGW fans, however, know Fabio for a different reason.
Apollo's Chariot Opening Ceremonies 1999
Fabio was the celebrity guest on hand during BGW’s March 31, 1999 publicity event for the opening of Apollo’s Chariot. No expenses was spared for this monumental occasion. Fabio portrayed the Greco-Roman god Apollo and gave a speech to those on hand. From there he boarded a train accompanied by dozens of women dressed in Roman garb. So far, all was going to plan.
After making the 170 foot climb to the top of the lift hill things went from celebration to panic. At the base of the 210 foot drop over the Rhine River, traveling at 70 mph, Fabio was struck in the face by a goose that flew directly into the path of the oncoming train.
According to Mike Holtzclaw of the Daily Press’ 2018 article, “Remembering the Day Fabio Got Goosed at Busch Gardens,” no bones were broken. The model would later go on to protest the ride’s safety saying, “This wasn’t a freak accident and it’s going to happen again,” during an interview with ABC.
To date, no other riders have been struck by any birds while riding Apollo’s Chariot.
An Olive Branch
With Pantheon’s delays during the Covid-19 pandemic BGW was looking to debut the ride in a big way. Over the last year, according to sources close to the park, BGW has been in talks with Fabio for a possible return. The pitch was to celebrate yet another coaster in the Italy portion of the park. Allegedly talks were slow out of the gate with no one knowing how the pandemic would play out. Given that so much time has passed, it’s now being said that a deal has been struck.
Early reports say that the original plan for Fabio was to be featured during a promotional event on Thursday, March 31, 2022. Those plans were nixed by Fabio’s representatives, however, fearing that holding an event on the same date as the Apollo’s Chariot event would be a bad omen. Some park officials agreed and feared announcing an event on that date might be also taken as an early April Fools joke.
Alas, it looks like the two sides have come to terms on an agreement. It looks like Fabio is now set to visit BGW again to help promote one of their biggest coasters.
“We would welcome Fabio back to conquer the five gods of Pantheon. It seems only fitting since he has the look of a Roman god,” said BGW enthusiast and pass holder, Chris Darling.
Fabio's Stipulations Delay Theming
Although the park is allegedly excited to see Fabio return, some are taken back by the terms that management agreed upon in order to make this a reality. It appears as if a majority of the coaster’s theming budget was used to secure Fabio’s appearance in addition to numerous stipulations made by the model. These include:
- Five statues be placed throughout Pantheon’s course featuring Fabio portraying the five Roman gods used in the ride’s marketing – Pluto, Neptune, Mercury, Minerva, and Jupiter.
- A sixth statue of him, shirtless, be placed just in the ride’s courtyard for visitors to gawk over.
- A large netting apparatus be placed over the ride for the event, similar to the one found at the park’s eagle enclosure.
- Fabio refuses to ride in the front seat.
- Fabio’s likeness appear on the border for all Pantheon ride photos.
- A Fabio-themed gift shop be built in the Pantheon plaza selling his calendars, posters, Old Spice, I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter, and copies of the Nintendo Entertainment System (NES) game, Ironsword: Wizard & Warriors 2.
These information nullifies the idea that Pantheon’s lack of theming was due to losses sustained from the pandemic. Sources allege BGW management has been holding them back in order to make amends with Fabio for the incident 23 years ago. Some are saying the price is too steep, but many are excited about the prospect of Fabio’s return.
“We feel horrible about what happened when Apollo’s Chariot opened and a rogue goose decided to attack Fabio’s face during the ride,” said Darling.
Be sure to check back for future reports on Fabio’s impending return to BGW in 2022 here at We Were Inverted.
For those who could not tell, this is article is purely news satire done for April Fools’ Day. None of the claims or sources have any basis in reality. That being said, Pantheon sure could still use some theming.
