Las Vegas, Nev. – In 2023 sports betting has become all the rage with many states now allowing the use of different sportsbook gambling sites. You would be hard pressed to watch a television show, listen to the radio, or scroll through your favorite social media platform and not come across some type of ad for FanDuel, BetMGM, or any of the countless other sportsbooks. It is everywhere and soon, it will be coming to your favorite amusement park too.
While rules will vary state-by-state, it is believed that most states will be adopting programs to allow amusement park gambling. The extra money to be earned off of park goers, and especially coaster enthusiasts, is just too tempting to pass up for most politicians. After all, what does a politician love more than being re-elected at any cost? Skimming some extra funds off of the top of a new government tax or program, of course. If you think Mike of Canobie Coaster’s credit count is high, you should see the numbers these politicians pull in from under the table.
Types of Gambling
It is currently unknown what each state will allow when it comes to amusement park gambling. It is believed that the popular, and often slightly rigged, games of chance/skill will remain. These are already brining in tons of money for parks with little to no payout. So if you’re worried about them being replaced with slot machines or table games, there is no evidence to support that notion.
What parks are looking to do is have visitors place bets on different categories related to their park experience. Several of these categories have been leaked to We Were Inverted by several industry insiders. These insiders wish to remain anonymous, and like most news media in 2023, I have not done any fact checking to confirm these rumors. It’s social media’s job to tell you what is factual, right? But in all honesty, this was gathered from the numerous Dippin’ Dots guys.
Rumored Gambling Categories
- How many new Six Flags Season Pass & Membership options will be introduced in 2023?
- How many new changes will be introduced to current Six Flags Season Pass & Memberships in 2023?
- Will El Toro make it through 2023 without another shut down?
- Over/under on how many times will the phrase “block zone” be said in all of El Toro Ryan’s YouTube videos in 2023.
- Will Pipeline the Surf Coaster at Sea World Orlando be the Golden Ticket award winner for Best New Coaster in 2023?
- Over/under on how many times thoosies complain about the 2023 Golden Ticket Awards results online.
- Will Wildcat’s Revenge at Hersheypark still feature the seal noises when trains return to the station? (if you know, you know)
- Over/under on how many kiddie coasters you will claim in 2023 to pad your credit count.
- Will Fabio return to Busch Gardens Williamsburg in 2023?
- Over/under on how many coasters are re-named Goliath by Six Flags in 2023.
- Will Kings Island have another new coaster built before Kings Dominion finally gets a replacement for Volcano?
- Over/under on how many idiots pull out a cellphone to film the worst Tiktok POV during a single visit to a park.
- Over/under on how many idiots lose a loose article after being warned on every ride about securing them or placing them in a locker during a single park visit.
- Over/under on how many times another thoosie online will tell you that you have a wrong opinion about YOUR PERSONAL favorite coaster when asked.
- Over/under on if parking at a Six Flags or Busch Gardens park in 2023 will cost more than feeding a family of 4 at Knoebels?
Gamble Responsibly
Please remember to gamble responsibly at all times. Never remove your phone to check your betting app while on a ride. The ride always wins and the person behind you thank you for not being one of the idiots mentioned above.
For those who could not tell, this is article is purely news satire done for April Fools’ Day. None of the claims or sources have any basis in reality. That being said, maybe there were some honest parts about present day politicians and social media.
